Happiness is celebrating my 20 years of Sobriety A Perspective of my Journey

Alcoholism has one definition and yet many in our community cannot define it and/or choose not to…

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, alcoholism is defined as continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks, poisoning by alcohol; a chronic disorder marked by excessive and usually compulsive drinking of alcohol leading to psychological and physical dependence or addiction.

In the Latino community the issue is not discussed. It is a subject of taboo, rich of denial and secrets. An alcoholic was someone that drank daily, hostile and unemployed, a person who was lazy and weak. A man was supposed to be able to put down a few beers and a shot of tequila or two. That behavior was macho. A drink or two with the boys was expected of you. And so that is what I was taught.

As a young man, I worked in community service and political campaigns. Often I would look forward to the weekend to hanging out with my friends, dancing, drinking. Being seen at various clubs was the thing to do. It was fun; rejuvenating and it provided me the opportunity to simply “kick it”.

My drinking was purely social. After a long week at work, I would join my friends for a night on the town. We would often stop at several clubs, to listen to music, meet some people and dance. Drinking a few screwdrivers would always help me “loosen up”. If that did not work then maybe a few more would help me unwind. It was all for a good time, and again on Saturday and sometimes on Sunday. Whatever I had to do just to relax….

When Monday came, it was back to work. Now, according to what I learned earlier in my life, I did not have a problem. As the years progressed, so did my drinking. Don’t get me wrong. I did not drink everyday just like I thought a drunk would. I drank only when I was stressed.

In my twenties and thirties my work in the community and in politics increased. On many days my calendar included dealing with constituent services from the field office from 9:00a.m to 6:00p.m.

But when most people would call it quits at that time, the second part of the day would start for me, which included a few receptions and a community meeting or a banquet dinner before I would call it a day.

Now mind you, going to cocktail receptions and dinner banquets was not an easy task. My life was filled with fear and intimidation. Attending these types of events only enhanced those feelings. As an over accomplisher in life and one that rose up the ranks at a rapid pace was not comforting. I attended those events and performed in my job tremendously insecure and feeling inadequate. People asked me, “how can you feel so insecure? You are aggressive and passionate. You speak so well”. My response was always the same…..If I was in my comfort zone, I was ok…But, not being in my comfort zone would throw me into discomfort and anxiety. The only thing that would comfort me in those receptions and dinners was the cocktail hour for a glass of wine or several. And then the post dinner drink. Didn’t everyone do that?

And so that was my life until I had a spiritual intervention. That was twenty years ago when I lived in Alhambra, when my body was trying to connect to my soul but it could not. I had often experienced depression through my life. When I was sixteen, our family doctor prescribed valium to me to help me cope. So feeling low and lonely was not new to me. However at this moment in time, I had hit my bottom. I had nowhere to go. I was in spiritual limbo and an emotional hell. Although, I had my loving family and friends; I was ALONE.

It was twenty years ago this month, that I sought help. That help was not asked from humankind, but a power that I relinquished my self to. I asked that power to help me…only if I helped myself.

After that experience, I gave up and was forced to accept my road before me. And then it happened. Doors opened. Crisis brought understanding and the darkness started to lift.

For the past twenty years, I faced the enormities that life could ever pose. I buried my parents in one year in which I lost my best friend who was my wonderful mom. I had broken up with several partners who in retrospect contributed to the insanity and at the same time to my stability. Many of my closet friends died to AIDS. And it was very lonely for me.

But through all this I was given the opportunity to walk forward even if it was one step at a time. The stagnation in my life was poisonous to my well being. So in the past twenty years, I met the challenges that life served. I was given the opportunity to dream and realize those dreams and connect the dots.

Being a Catholic Latino, I learned young to always be grateful for what you have and when you have the opportunity to give back to do so. And so my dream to construct a monument to honor people who died from AIDS was the best opportunity to pay back that power in the sky. The monument was dedicated on December 1, 2004. It gave me the opportunity to contribute something to the community. But more important of all it gave me the opportunity to fuffill my commitment to give back. The force that helped me on that cold a dreary day in February had made a dream come true.

The monument was not the only great thing that happened to me. It also was the people that have come into my life. It has been life's own experiences. I have seen places that I always wanted to see. It enhanced my opportunity to grow and grow.

People are in my life today that I am most grateful for and I love them dearly. Their own life stories have personally given me hope and taught me ways to live.

According to a study by the UCLA Center for Research, Education, Training, and Communication on Minority Health Disparities published in 2003 15.8% Latinos reported binge drinking (5 drinks or more) during a one month period of the study. During that same time, the national average was 25.9% while 42% of Latinos nationally drank alcohol.

Alcoholism in our community has been in epidemic proportions. More deadly has been the silence that surrounds this issue.

As for me, this happens to be just one more day of my life….

For more information on Alcoholism among Latinos, please visit “Alcoholism and its effect on Latinos: by Dulce Aponte.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/974628/latinos_and_alcoholism_counseling_and_pg2.html?cat=47