Since 1993, The Wall Las Memorias Project has made great strides in addressing the issues of AIDS stigma and silence in communities of faith.

Growing up as a Catholic, I was taught that we must always be a service to helping those individuals in marginalized communities. It was our human duty to help the sick and poor.

Living in the AIDS pandemic era, it was my calling to fight the disease and address the social factors that led to the spread of HIV in county of Los Angeles. Working with churches has always been a challenge because of the teachings surrounding sexuality.  In order to increase community wellness, we had no choice but to confront those challenges in a loving manner that eventually open the church doors for awareness, education and action.  

Today, we face another challenge; there is a campaign by conservative bishops to challenge our movement for wellness and equality for members of our community.  There are using the pews of the Catholic Church to promote a political agenda. Church should not be used for politics nor should it be to prevent wellness in our community.

On Sunday, please wear a yellow ribbon or cloth on your shirt or blouse to support Catholics for Equality and Social Justice. This is not confronting the church but to remind our faith leaders that the doors of the faith community must be open to everyone in order to promote community wellness. Please encourage your family members and friends to wear the yellow ribbon in support of equality and social justice.  

Wear it proudly throughout the summer to show your solidarity support for members of the LGBT community.

I hope and pray that we return to a time when we Catholics return to the social justice and teachings of our faith. We also respect all faiths and those choose to celebrate life within their own spiritual journey.

Thank you for taking the time from your busy life to read this message. 

Best, 

Richard L. Zaldivar

A New Blog Update Coming

It has been some time since I have updated this blog. I apologize to you for not keeping you up to date. Much has happen since I last spoke to you.

Please stay tuned for an update from me.

A Week to Remember

This past week has been overwhelming....

Last Sunday, The Latino American TV named me a Hero on their show. A segment was filmed highlighting a little of my life. It was a very well produced segment on the national syndicated program.

it was the first time on national TV that I shared a picture of David Ruiz, my best friend who shared about his HIV status wiht me over 19 years ago that led me to become an AIDS activist.

As I watched the program, I squirmed in my seat. I did not know what to expect. I did not know how I would react.
As I watched with family and friends, I realized that my life has been full and accomplished. I had a dream and it came true and people acknowledge and appreciate it. I also saw the picture of my friend on national TV as part of that segment.

While, David was out of the closet sort of, he really was not. it always took him awhile because he was scared that his co workers would find out about his sexuality. I remember a time when we all went to the March on Washington in 1987 where hundreds of thousands of us gathered. As we gathered in front of the California delegation, he shied away for fear that the television cameras for fear that he would be seen on a local TV station. As the march started I was in front savoring every moment of the energy for this historic occasion. He walked well beyond the banner until we were an hour into the march and then I saw him come and joined me with rainbow flag and marched along my side....I was so proud and so happy that he felt empowered to be able to seize the moment that way he did. So watching that part of the show and seeing his picture next to me, brought me to a very special moment. David died three years ago in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

This last Wednesday, i presented several awards on behalf of The Wall Las Memorias to Benjamin Bratt, Laura Diaz of CBS TV News and a good friend, Mario Perez who is with the County of Los Angeles.

On Saturday night, I attended the CNN Heroes taping and post party event. At the event, I met several honored heroes, but the most exciting experience was meeting some of the Chilean miners who attended and participated in the show, I was so thrilled to have met some powerful men, who survived through the grace of God. I had an opportunity of talking to them, taking pictures with them and even interviewed one of them.

I work countless hours but I also meet some of the best people one could ever imagine....

Letter to Archbishop Jose H. Gomez

Your Eminence Jose H. Gomez, Coadjutor of Los Angeles

As a long time community leader and founder of The Wall-Las Memorias Project, welcome to Los Angeles, home to a community of great diversity rich in culture and beauty.

The Wall-Las Memorias Project is a nonprofit community based organization that constructed the first publicly funded AIDS monument in the nation. The AIDS monument creates a focal point to address the cultural denial, ignorance, shame and stigma that contribute to the epidemic. The organization provides education and prevention services to the community about HIV, substance abuse and community engagement in health disparities. The Wall-Las Memorias Project also provides HIV/AIDS education-prevention services to the Latino faith based community of Los Angeles County.

I write you as a practicing Catholic, a gay man, an AIDS activist and someone who prays for and dreams for the day that my church would do more to prevent AIDS.

In Los Angeles County, Latinos represent over 48% of the total population and yet Latinos represent roughly 1/3 of the county’s cumulative AIDS cases. In addition, the Office of AIDS Programs and Services state that:
• An estimated 62,000 people are living with HIV/AIDS in Los Angeles County;
• Over 50% of new HIV infections in Los Angeles County are spread by those who have it and don’t know it.
• 7 out of 10 people living with HIV/AIDS in Los Angeles County are gay or bisexual men.
• At the end of 2009 there were over 9,500 Latinos living with AIDS in Los Angeles County. This is the largest number of persons living with AIDS of any racial and ethnic group in the County.
• 70% of women with AIDS in Los Angeles County were infected with HIV through heterosexual intercourse.

As you can see, HIV/AIDS is still a major problem for our community.

Roughly 70% of our Los Angeles Latinos identify as Catholic and our church has been absent from the conversation and education-prevention efforts surrounding HIV.

Cardinal Roger Mahoney created an archdiocesan AIDS ministry. With its small group of volunteers it has worked hard to make a difference, but it has stopped short of culturally sensitive education-prevention outreach to the Latino population.

A study was commissioned by the Los Angeles County Office of AIDS Programs and Policy in 2004 and was conducted by BaumanCurry and Company and Data Trends of which both institutions are well respected in the African American and Latino community.

In that study, researchers found that very little outreach was being conducted to Latino Catholic parishioners. An example, of the AIDS Ministry’s claim that there were 25 to 30 churches that had an active AIDS ministry only three had been confirmed by the study. Another study was conducted jointly in 2009 by the Center for Latino Community of NCLR/University of California-Long Beach and The Wall-Las Memorias Project and then again those findings were confirmed.

In our Project Faith program, we outreach and provide HIV prevention-education services to numerous Latino faith-based institutions in Los Angeles County and many are Roman Catholic parishes. There is never a promotion of condom use.

It is not just the ignorance that promotes HIV. It is also the unsafe sexual behavior that promotes HIV and other STD’s. Issues such as: machismo, silence, poverty, immigration status, ignorance, social status, homophobia, substance abuse and stigma contribute to unsafe sex behaviors. Therefore, our prevention efforts must include faith and our church to have an impact in changing behaviors. The church’s social justice outreach must be more than just on the immigration issue. It must embrace the hungry, homeless, those with drug problems, the marginalized, and those who are spiritually bankrupt.


Our people are hungry for love, compassion and respect for who they are, not for what they are supposed to be. I ask you for a new and creative way of addressing HIV/AIDS; to know and accept the limitations that exist when we fail to work collaboratively as a community.

And because so many AIDS cases are due unsafe sex among gay and bisexual men, I pray that you create a place at the table for all of our brothers and sisters who want to be part of the Catholic family. There is a way to accommodate so many of our Angelinos and at the same time not ignoring the principles of the church doctrine. Accommodation!

Together we must lower AIDS in our community and bring back the marginalized Latino community back to the table.


Sincerely,

Richard L. Zaldivar
Executive Director/Founder
The Wall-Las Memorias

Keeping the record straight on Benedict and the crisis | National Catholic Reporter

Keeping the record straight on Benedict and the crisis | National Catholic Reporter

Happiness is celebrating my 20 years of Sobriety A Perspective of my Journey

Alcoholism has one definition and yet many in our community cannot define it and/or choose not to…

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, alcoholism is defined as continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks, poisoning by alcohol; a chronic disorder marked by excessive and usually compulsive drinking of alcohol leading to psychological and physical dependence or addiction.

In the Latino community the issue is not discussed. It is a subject of taboo, rich of denial and secrets. An alcoholic was someone that drank daily, hostile and unemployed, a person who was lazy and weak. A man was supposed to be able to put down a few beers and a shot of tequila or two. That behavior was macho. A drink or two with the boys was expected of you. And so that is what I was taught.

As a young man, I worked in community service and political campaigns. Often I would look forward to the weekend to hanging out with my friends, dancing, drinking. Being seen at various clubs was the thing to do. It was fun; rejuvenating and it provided me the opportunity to simply “kick it”.

My drinking was purely social. After a long week at work, I would join my friends for a night on the town. We would often stop at several clubs, to listen to music, meet some people and dance. Drinking a few screwdrivers would always help me “loosen up”. If that did not work then maybe a few more would help me unwind. It was all for a good time, and again on Saturday and sometimes on Sunday. Whatever I had to do just to relax….

When Monday came, it was back to work. Now, according to what I learned earlier in my life, I did not have a problem. As the years progressed, so did my drinking. Don’t get me wrong. I did not drink everyday just like I thought a drunk would. I drank only when I was stressed.

In my twenties and thirties my work in the community and in politics increased. On many days my calendar included dealing with constituent services from the field office from 9:00a.m to 6:00p.m.

But when most people would call it quits at that time, the second part of the day would start for me, which included a few receptions and a community meeting or a banquet dinner before I would call it a day.

Now mind you, going to cocktail receptions and dinner banquets was not an easy task. My life was filled with fear and intimidation. Attending these types of events only enhanced those feelings. As an over accomplisher in life and one that rose up the ranks at a rapid pace was not comforting. I attended those events and performed in my job tremendously insecure and feeling inadequate. People asked me, “how can you feel so insecure? You are aggressive and passionate. You speak so well”. My response was always the same…..If I was in my comfort zone, I was ok…But, not being in my comfort zone would throw me into discomfort and anxiety. The only thing that would comfort me in those receptions and dinners was the cocktail hour for a glass of wine or several. And then the post dinner drink. Didn’t everyone do that?

And so that was my life until I had a spiritual intervention. That was twenty years ago when I lived in Alhambra, when my body was trying to connect to my soul but it could not. I had often experienced depression through my life. When I was sixteen, our family doctor prescribed valium to me to help me cope. So feeling low and lonely was not new to me. However at this moment in time, I had hit my bottom. I had nowhere to go. I was in spiritual limbo and an emotional hell. Although, I had my loving family and friends; I was ALONE.

It was twenty years ago this month, that I sought help. That help was not asked from humankind, but a power that I relinquished my self to. I asked that power to help me…only if I helped myself.

After that experience, I gave up and was forced to accept my road before me. And then it happened. Doors opened. Crisis brought understanding and the darkness started to lift.

For the past twenty years, I faced the enormities that life could ever pose. I buried my parents in one year in which I lost my best friend who was my wonderful mom. I had broken up with several partners who in retrospect contributed to the insanity and at the same time to my stability. Many of my closet friends died to AIDS. And it was very lonely for me.

But through all this I was given the opportunity to walk forward even if it was one step at a time. The stagnation in my life was poisonous to my well being. So in the past twenty years, I met the challenges that life served. I was given the opportunity to dream and realize those dreams and connect the dots.

Being a Catholic Latino, I learned young to always be grateful for what you have and when you have the opportunity to give back to do so. And so my dream to construct a monument to honor people who died from AIDS was the best opportunity to pay back that power in the sky. The monument was dedicated on December 1, 2004. It gave me the opportunity to contribute something to the community. But more important of all it gave me the opportunity to fuffill my commitment to give back. The force that helped me on that cold a dreary day in February had made a dream come true.

The monument was not the only great thing that happened to me. It also was the people that have come into my life. It has been life's own experiences. I have seen places that I always wanted to see. It enhanced my opportunity to grow and grow.

People are in my life today that I am most grateful for and I love them dearly. Their own life stories have personally given me hope and taught me ways to live.

According to a study by the UCLA Center for Research, Education, Training, and Communication on Minority Health Disparities published in 2003 15.8% Latinos reported binge drinking (5 drinks or more) during a one month period of the study. During that same time, the national average was 25.9% while 42% of Latinos nationally drank alcohol.

Alcoholism in our community has been in epidemic proportions. More deadly has been the silence that surrounds this issue.

As for me, this happens to be just one more day of my life….

For more information on Alcoholism among Latinos, please visit “Alcoholism and its effect on Latinos: by Dulce Aponte.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/974628/latinos_and_alcoholism_counseling_and_pg2.html?cat=47

The loss of Senator Edward Kennedy

Today we lost one of the greatest visionaries of our time. Senator Edward Kennedy was the most important influential person in America and in shaping it’s history

I was a great fan of Senator Kennedy. In fact, I was elected as a Kennedy delegate when he ran for president in 1980. More memorable was being a Kennedy man on the convention platform committee on foreign policy in Latin America where I served with Kennedy speechwriter and confidant, Ted Sorenson.

During that time, I met the Senator and was invited to his house outside of Washington DC. His home was filled with family photos. He commanded discipline from his campaign staff and they were committed to him, his platform and what he stood for…We battled the Carter white house on numerous issues. The California point man for Kennedy was Ron Brown who later became Commerce secretary under President Clinton.

While on the platform committee during the campaign of 1980 we would meet for 19 to 22 hours a day at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington DC. During that time, our issues were ignored by the Carter white house staff and by Jimmy Carter. The Kennedy democrats held on to the idea that the platform should reflect the needs and the concerns of the marginalized community. Kennedy always believed that there was room in the Democratic platform for the elderly, the sick and the poor.

Senator Kennedy was the first national l elected official ever to attend a gay/lesbian event. I remember that night of the annual fundraising event held by the Municipal Elections Committee Los Angeles. And when Sheldon Andelson, a major gay rights activist died, Senator Kennedy took the time from his busy schedule to provide the eulogy at UCLA Royce Hall.

Senator Kennedy was our leader; fighting for immigration rights. As the chair of the Judiciary Committee in the Senate, he worked tirelessly to promote justices to the federal bench that had a non-bias and non-racist view on the issues of the day.

He was my kind of a practicing Roman Catholic. One, who does not view the bible in its literal translation but looked at the works of Jesus as an agent of change,.

I cry as I write this…not just because of the man we lost, but also for time to remember. I want to hold on to this piece of history. I want to believe that there are men and women that dedicate their lives to public service and not to their political personal ambitions.

We must mourn his passing, celebrate his life and learn his from his history. We can share those experiences with our future generations of Americans..

Pray for him, his family and our future. Pray that we more of us can dedicate our lives to public service. In the end, let s honor him by passing healthcare reform. Not just for Ted Kennedy; but because it is the right thing to do…

There are no coincidences in life. Let his loss be our gain.

My Mom Lydia ....

We are what are parents are or were…

In this incredible medium that we call multi-media, we have a place to meet…and greet.

In this great special space we share ourselves with the world. We talk about our daily trials and tribulations, search out each other to find out more about ourselves..

You may know a lot of me…and then you may not…

This is a special March 26th….for this day is the 10th anniversary of the loss of my mom, Lydia Castillo Zaldivar. She was born in Nogales, Arizona and raised in Lincoln Heights.

I have traveled and experienced much in the last ten years…I know she has been part of every moment of those years. She has kept on eye on me. In fact! She has even known about a special person..

I still miss her…I love you ma!

Leadership in Peril, A Perspective on Crystal Meth

“Leadership in Peril”


Due to the budget cutbacks ordered by Governor Schwarzenegger, a statewide social marketing campaign targeting Latinas and gay men is losing some of it’s funding.

Budget cutbacks are a reality in government. This is not new. What is disturbing is the lack of outcry from our community leaders. Even more perplexing is the silence from our community members surrounding Meth use. This, at times, leads me to believe the work we do in community prevention renders useless.

Two years ago, several community-based organizations came together to form the Act Now Against Meth Coalition. The collaborative effort gathered over 10,000 signatures from a cross section of the community and presented them to the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors. After eighteen months of meetings with various government leaders and board of supervisor deputies, some funds were identified and allocated for treatment and prevention. The end result of the many hard months of work paid off. Los Angeles County allocated $1.7 million for Meth treatment and prevention. Is it enough? No, but it is a start. The board of supervisors, office of AIDS Programs and Policy and the Alcohol and Drug Program Administration (ADPA) responded to our request. The handful of community based agencies and the over 10,000 people were responsible for the outcry.

Each one of us has been impacted directly or indirectly by meth addiction, right? But what are is the community at large doing to address this issue? Where have all the leaders gone regarding this issue? Silence has long dictated their response.

In a recent Latino Men’s Group meeting the issue of the white party and drug use came up. Some of the comments included: “We know meth is used at white parties, it is part of the lifestyle, part of the business” “the promoters care but they turn the other way when it comes to drug use”. It’s true. Party time at Easter break is synonymous with gay life. But, why is that?

Isn’t it hypocritical for those who tolerate and promote drug use be the first to demand same sex marriage? Why are we so concerned of how we are treated as LGBT in society, when so many of our brothers are tweaked?

My friends, we are marginalized community. AIDS has cut the lives of many of our brothers and sisters. We have a moral responsibility to speak out and to take action.

This column may raise your ire for that is not my intent. But, it should provoke thought. If you feel challenged then so be it and act upon it….

A wonderful day at the Inland Empire's 4th Annual HIV/AIDS Conference

On Tuesday, I had the great opportunity to speak at the Inland Empire's 4th Annual HIV/AIDS Conference, A Community Responding to HIV. It was a great experience for me. The community members and health department employees did a great job in creating a day of learning, sharing and recommitting themselves to the struggle against AIDS.

I was a key note speaker at the conference where I shared how the Latino AIDS epidemic looks like today. I also shared with them some of the work that The Wall Las Memorias does primarily with the Latino faith based community. I also had the opportunity to facilitate a work shop entitled "Latinos, Denial, Stigma and HIV/AIDS. In that session, we looked at how cultural denial, guilt and stigma play a role in HIV/AIDS. THe meeting room was full and the discussion was very meaningful.

Today's problem with the increase of HIV/AIDS among our people is a complex one. People respond differently to the epidemic and to the factors that contribute to it. Lowering the rate of HIV is a monumental task but it can be done. It is going to take a community of people working together. In doing this we have to learn more from one another, respect one another and love each other unconditionally Just like it was displayed at the conference.

The people of the Inland Empire are wonderful people and exemplified the leadership and compassion that it is going to take to end HIV. They are truly our role models!

Thank you for a great conference....

Being Connected

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As I walk through my life, I have expereinced many special moments. Those experiences are too many to recall with you here. I have had special moments in Europe where I enjoyed my sabbatical which was awarded by the Calfornia Wellness Foundation. I would like to share them with you....

My Sabbatical has Ended

With my return to the office on Monday, May 8th, my sabbatical has officially come to an end.

Of the three months that I was away from my office, I spent eight and a half weeks in Spain and Portugal. I had planned to go to Mexico first and then to Europe, but at the last minute, I decided against it. I changed my mind, because with Mexico being so near, I was afraid that I might not have had the time to visit Europe like I always wanted to…

Although, I returned from my trip on Monday, April 17, 2006, I did not enter my wrap up on my sabbatical because I wanted to rest up a bit and then have the proper time to digest my experiences.

Time Off
I had taken three weeks off in the past six years, which is not something that I am proud of, but I have to be honest about it. It was the time off was needed very badly.

It was difficult to take the proper time off from work when I first launched the non-profit organization. I mean you can take all the time off you want in the earlier days, but if money is not coming in, then time off without pay is an easy thing to do…

During the middle of the history of the organization, as the project started to grow, then my parents got sick. My father with Alzheimer’s and my mom then was diagnosed with lung cancer. During that time, which was in 2000, I was the caretaker of the family.

Often, when I would finish work, I would often go and spend the night with my mom while she was in the hospital because she did not want to stay alone at night. They both passed away in 2000 and I was the one who had to make the necessary arrangements to bury them. Then came the fund request to the Governor by State Senator Gil Cedillo and the grass roots organizing effort to garner the for support the request. With the dedication of the monument taking place in 2004, there really was no time to take a real vacation or time away from the office.

But the truth of the matter is; there is no reason for not taking time away from the job. I’m a workaholic and I do not think I am telling you anything new….

What I am telling you is that I really needed this time away.

Sabbatical
The dictionary describes that a sabbatical is “a period of paid leave granted to a college teacher for study or travel, traditionally every seventh year”.

My sabbatical was not a vacation or shall I say that I chose it not to be a vacation but it was time off from my job. I chose to do something that I was not able to do when I was young and so I traveled to Europe. I learned more about the world and myself.

I let go of all of my office duties and turned them over to my Associate Director, Eddie Martinez. The one thing I was involved with was a grant that was written for the Faith Based department of the organization. That was all.

I traveled to Barcelona, Bilbao, Madrid, Lisbon, Porto, Fatima, Sintra, Zaragoza, and Lleida. I was there for nine weeks. I visited castles, churches, parks, plaza’s, art museums, colleges, AIDS organizations, bars, nightclubs, shopping centers, football (soccer) stadiums, monasteries, government buildings, the Spanish Senado, rivers and I can go on forever.

The greatest fascination I found was the little boy that I really am inside. I had lost that a long time ago. In Europe I spoke to anyone who would give me the time of day. I would often clown around, and made people laugh that brought joy to myself. Somewhere along the line, I had lost that…

I would often start by asking them “where are you from?” and then the conversation would either take off or it would not. I was open to learning more about who they were and where they came from.

I fed the birds and the ducks; I was amazed by the great architecture and often would stare at the clouds and wonder how big the world actually was…. Some of the same things that I would often think of when I was at All Saints Elementary School in El Sereno. Yes, I found my childhood again.

Many people wondered, “How can you travel alone to Europe?” I never really thought of the answer too much until I left Lisbon the last time and I was waiving good-bye to my friends. Vanda and Francisco…you see; I am a child of an alcoholic. As a child, I would often take care of my parents…Often I had to wait until they were both asleep so that I could go to sleep myself because I was afraid that the house would burn down.

Now on this trip…I was able to be who I really am…I mean I knew how to have fun, how to enjoy people and I certainly did. My guard was down and I let myself back in…


Living and Loving
Now that you know a bit more about me, you know that I like people…right? I met lots of people, but only got to know several really good….

Carles….Ruiz-Feltrer…who I befriended when I arrived at the Monastery de Montserrat …I told him…when I first met him…”Listen, I do not understand the language here in Barcelona, so wherever you go, I will follow you, ok?”. And he guided me through some of the best days in my trip. He would knock on my door to let me know what time prayers were…and then when we parted, he kindly walked me out of the premises and promised to be there whenever I may need anything and he was…Thank you, Carles for your thoughtfulness…. Thank you…

Helena Campelo. …From Madrid. An attractive woman that I met on the train on my way to Madrid…. At first, I know it was a bit difficult understanding me, then we got to know each other well…She took me to Toledo and was so passionate about showing me more of Spain…A powerful business woman and a mother, who was so considerate to constantly e mailing me and calling to see how I was doing…and not afraid to tell me…”you know, Richard”. I had to meet you, because there is something that you have that I want”. I often asked myself, what could a successful and attractive woman want from me?

Towards the last few days of my trip, she called and did not just offer but asked me what time can I pick you up from your place to take you to see your friend…and she drove half way through Spain to take me to visit my friend…. Their are no words to describe my appreciation to you…Helena…. not just for the deeds…but your friendship.

Vanda Dias and Francisco Vaz
Wow…who would have known that when I rented a room from Ms. Dias for a week, that our friendship would be so deep…Vanda opened her house and her heart to me…and so did Francisco. They not only allowed me in they’re space, but took me around town and shared with me some of their fondest places in Lisbon. To share an example with you…I accidentally got lost from Vanda one night…at Colombo’s galleria…. it was a rainy night. and she later called Francisco and told him that she was very concerned and worried for me….his response.” Maybe he met someone”…I was really touched by that…that someone who never knew me before would actually worry about me…

I allowed myself to be loved and I opened the door to a new part of who I am …

Politics
When I left for Europe, I was really upset about America. I was upset at the system and at the people. The lack of courage, vision, the pettiness, bigotry, laziness, the lack of interest…

Spending time in Europe and speaking to countless of individuals I learned that we are in a very trying time in the history of our country, we still know how to make change and while we have not shown brave, innovative and bold leadership recently we truly have the opportunity to make the change that is so badly needed.

Every person I spoke to asked me “What happened to America? Why have the people allowed this to happen?’ While some of the Europeans have a negative attitude about the United States, there is still enormous respect for this country and it’s people. Even more respect for the expectations that they have of Americans. That became very clear to me.

Despite of all of the problems that this country faces and voter apathy, this country is still the OPPORTUNITY for change. The system is truly the greatest framework for a democratic government; we just elect the wrong people to office.

Today’s modern technology and our overwhelming need to buy the latest products on the market do not always help in pushing our concerns forward. We need to mobilize and organize the people in our communities. That means that each of us must be held accountable. That being said, I have to be an activist not only in the issues that are dear to me but what are the most important issues to the community that I am a part of…

I am ready to do my part. But, I must be strategic with my time and energy.

Spirituality
I am very lucky to be a fairly spiritual person. But, this experience has really deepened my spirituality.

When I lived in the moment, there was magic in the air. Things and people that I wanted to meet came my way. When I thought of something that I needed, I would often turn the corner and it was there for me to experience.

Only in Lisbon, was my accommodations pre-arranged and that was finalized before I boarded the train to Lisbon from Madrid. Everything just happened. Well, it did not just happened, but it was meant to happen. I also allowed it.

I basked in the beauty of my creator often as I would often speak to the hundreds of people that I had the privilege of speaking to and the people I met. From the conservative community organizers in Madrid who were collecting signatures on a ballot measure to the young women of Rescate to the waiters, cooks and hotel workers who were so good to me…. Their goodness contributed to my sense of spirituality. A part of them was God….and for that I am eternally grateful.

Lessons Learned
I learned much along my personal journey and here are a the few of the most obvious lessons that I learned…

1) Learn to trust more…that people, places and things will work itself out.
2) It is ok to have fun and you are never too old to do so.
3) To be proud of my accomplishments and who I am
4) Be more attentive to my intuition
5) Enjoy my friends and share with them my affection for them
6) Place myself high on the priority list because I deserve it
7) Allow my self to be loved and accept that it is real
8) Allow time for myself for rest and nourishment
9) Accept the fact that I am a community leader and knowing that, must learn to step back to allow others to grow and blossom
10) Know that the organization and the cause that I am a part of will and can go without me
11) Stay in the present
12) The world is really not that big
13) Hope!
14) Be structured, patient and understanding
15) Be a bigger team player
16) Humility


Now What?
The office did well without me. Now my job is come back to the position of President of the Corporation and the Executive Director.

My primary role will be to raise the necessary funds to manage The Wall-Las Memorias Project. As a visionary for the agency, I have to do a better job of not only sharing the vision, but allow others to adapt themselves to it and not always expecting them to interpret it according to my version.

Looking at other personal projects in the near future, I know that I have to take better care of myself. Taking time off, focusing on myself and the things that I like doing.

One big change that I made is to sell the house that I grew up in that both my brother and I own. My parents had wanted us to hang on to it, but I have outgrown it and the neighborhood. It really is a big thing for me, but then again it isn’t.

As that chapter in my life comes to a close, it is said that most people in the United States usually live to about 76 years or so…. If that is the case, then I have lived 2/3 of my life already…The sabbatical gave me the opportunity to look at how I plan to live the last 1/3 of my life if God allows it.

So now what you may ask? Well, I have started to write my biography. I am writing it, because I would like to share my story with so many… I plan to do many other things in the last years of my life. Within due time, you will hear more about it…please stay tuned.

For the time being, I plan to go back to my office that is filled with Dodger bubbleheads; on the wall there is a tapestry of Mother Theresa, a photo of the Virgin de Guadalupe and awards from elected officials and community based organizations.

I join the ranks of some powerful people that are part of The Wall-Las Memorias Project, a community based non profit organization that constructed an AIDS monument to people who have died to AIDS.

For it was my dream that actually became a reality for many…

Thank You
My deepest appreciation to Mr. Gary L. Yates, President of the California Wellness Foundation and Sandra J. Martinez, program monitor for awarding me the opportunity to take a breath from the office and from the cause. When Sandra called me, I was really in shock. I am humbled by the gift and the honor. THANK YOU!


My thanks to my board of directors who supported me during this time…
Ida Tagliente, Board Chair. Thank you for your hard work and faith in the project and in me. Thank you for your dedicated leadership. You are an incredible woman.

Tim Towery, a hard worker, supporter and very good friend….

Yolanda de Garcia, who has given so much to the cause and to me personally…

Michael Mathews, who finds the time from his new business to lead the fundraising committee…

Father Peter Lambert, who has been so supportive in helping the faith-based community understand HIV/AIDS a little better and for your prayers, love and support…

Vince Sandoval, for your hard work on the board and coordinating cooperate support for the organization

Iris Miranda, who has been a hard working member for many years and although she is on leave of absence from the board, she nevertheless working for the community as a powerful Latina for Senator Cedillo

Staff
Eddie Martinez, one of the few people who knows me so well and took the leadership as acting Executive Director and did a great job. You have brought a different perspective to the agency. I will continue to count on you for much of that leadership

Carlos Molina, who committed and continues to commit himself to the values of the organization. His ideas and leadership is taking the fundraising of the project to a whole new level.

Ariel Rivera, is not only sustaining the Faith Based division but has worked hard to expand it. During this period of time he has one of the highest scores in a leadership program at the Centers for Disease Control.

Enrique Topete, Luis Brito, Humberto Franco, Daniel Cardona, Leilani Montes, Ozzie Granjaldo, and Nadia Andrade. To Roz Teller and Geoffrey Gee.

Thanks to my cousin Sandra and my appreciation to Eric Sagot who is a very good friend and like a brother….who kept on eye on me from Los Angeles.

Thank you to you….my friend who has been there for me…a friend, supporter, a reader of this blog. I appreciate you spending some time with me..

And thanks to God for giving me my life……with love…..Richard

Easter Sunday

I got up at 6:30 a.m. to take the train to Barcelona......waited there for four hours and left Spain for Zurich for a night over for departure to Los Angeles on Monday...

It was a brief one night stop, but I got a chance to visit the downtown area of Zurich...boy was it cold!

Wrap up on my Sabbatical

For your information, the wrap up on my sabbatical will be published on this blog site within the next week...

Thank you Helena

My deepest thanks to Helena for driving from Madrid to Zaragoza then to Peralta de la Sal to visit Father John. Their are no words to describe my appreciation to her for doing this...

Traveling to this remote area of Spain was not an easy task. She was magnificent! I am sure that the family of Father John is grateful to you as I am....

Visiting Father John on Good Friday

You could say that it was coming to the end of a ballgame or the the final act of a broadway play. But NO one could ever have scripted my final days here in Europe as the way occurred....

It was Friday about noon and my friend Helena picked me up on the street corner as I had just checked out of my room which faced the plaza of "Our Lady of the Pilar" Basilica in Zaragoza, Spain. Thousands were expected for the Good Friday observance. I...decided to get out of town.

So I jumped in the car and off we went. Where? Well, we were going to see my friend Father John, who had passed away back in 2004 and was buried in a very small..I mean small town in a northern part of Aragon, Spain.

It seems like we drove.....and drove and drove....It was a beautiful clear day and you could see flat green lands and mountain tops covered with snow. We were actually very close to France..so they signs read..

But we were on a mission and Helena the great friend that she is drove three hours from Madrid just to pick me up so we could find him.

Along the way, we stopped for coffee and we talked. I drove and Helena was the navigator..She worked the front seat of her car as a fierce navigator..studying several maps so that we would arrive prior to sundown.

And so about 4:30 or so...we came along to a sign that read "Peralta de la Sal". We finally got here... we pulled over on the road and like kids...I walked up to the street sign and Helena took a picture of me...I then rolled over in tall green grass...I was in heaven...it was like a painted picture. The grass was green, the rolling hills....it was beautiful warm spring day.

We drove into town, trying to locate the cemetary, again before nighfall..and so Helena saw the cemetary from a distance on a hill overlooking the valley. We drove up to the hill and enterted the cemetary.

Cemetaries here are a bit different.They can be traditional graves or mausoleums...Helena actually found Father John´s headstone. It was at the top of a mausoleum wall. I actually made it here! I had been wanting to come so bad...He had done so much for the community, The Wall-Las Memorias and for me. He had said several funeral masses for most of my family. Now this was one way to say thank you.

He took risks....he did things that other clergy would not do and many times he paid the price for it. He once told me that because of the enormous groundwork that had been laid in the area of HIV/AIDS awareness by The Wall-Las Memorias Project that the Archdiocese decided to move the office of AIDS ministry to St. Camilus on the east side of town. He was involved with many causes and embraced his roots. He loved the Mexican-American culture, it's food and music.

As a board member, he once went with me to a meeting with the Dodgers and told the Dodger officials that it was the very first time that he had ever stepped in the stadium, particulalry since the city had kicked his family out of Chavez Ravine. He claimed that his familys home had been at 3rd base. He cares about his community.

So I came here to pray for him and to thank him for so all he had done for us and the community. I do not know of anyone who has been able to visit him. His memorial service in Los Angeles was very impressive. It left a huge impression on me...and I have to say, that I was a bit disappointed with the family and some of his close friends for failing to menion the fact that he was an AIDS activist and even a board member of our agency. But, that is ok..I really do miss him...he was one good friend and a priest that I could relate to in a very deep spìritual level. But for today I was able to be close to him again, even for a few moments.

I turned to Helena and told her...look...this man...so great to so many people and yet he is buried so far over here in Spain...so remote...no one will ever visit him..and her response to me was.. "you know Richard, it is not where you are buried, it is who and for what you are remembered for...he left a huge impact on your life or you would not be here...right?". She was so right....He impacted thousands of people....

I wanted to bring flowers to his site...but in a small town in Spain...no flower shops to be had....so my dear friend, Helena..went out to the hillside and picked some fresh flowers...I was so moved by that gesture...her generousity and tremendous love for me and for what I believe in...are beyond words. I took several photos so I could present them to his family. I hope John is happy and pleased with the photos that I took of him...(he was alway´s a ham).

Following the visit, we went into town looking for the monastary. We actually went in circles for some time...but we finally got it right and it was in the middle of town. We walked in looking for Father Jesus...the rector, but he was not in. He was expecting me on Saturday morning. So we waited around for some time..

A man came to greet us....his name was Juan and he gave us a tour of the place when a woman in her sixties and a priest by the name of Father Thadeus was introduced to us. When they found out that I was from Los Angeles and I was there to visit John, they were very happy. They said that he was a great man and well liked by the people of the local pueblo. Father Thadeus was very fond of John and when I asked if I could take some photos...he not only obliged, but organized the group photo.

It was becoming nightfall and we had no place to sleep, so I we had to leave. Father Thadeus wanted us to stay and offered to find us a place..but we refused. He insisted that we tour his garden and so we went oustide and as we said good bye, he looked a bit sad....he said that it was a pleasure to meet us and that he would send some photos of John so that we could pass them along to the family....we thanked him again. Then with a quick stare, he told us...."you know, I believe in divine providence". I responded, so do I... We both were chilled at the comment but we knew that the meaning was much more profound than one could ever expect. And as we walked away, he stared at us and then into the sky.

Father Thadeus who was about 90 or so was a very deep spritual man who was happy that we visisted John and stayed around to meet him. This was a very powerful expereince. Their were no words to describe what we felt in our short exchange of words with him.

We drove towards Lleida which was about an hour and a half away. We still talked about the experince and were overjoyed that both of us had experienced something magical.

When the world remembered a civil rights activist who was crucified on the cross, we came to Peralta de la Sal to remember the activist who was born among the hills that are now known as Chavez Ravine and passed from us and is buried in a small town in northern Spain, he is in our hearts forever....

Semana Santa in Zaragoza

Thousands of people are participating in the procession in honor of Semana Santa

Today is Holy Thursday and I am sitting in the square of the Basilica of Our Lady of Pilar. It is a huge square and people are gathering for the continuing services (rituals) of Semana Santa.

The past few days, I have been taking it easy…maybe that is why I am so exhausted. I am ready to go home.

The City of Zaragoza is beautiful but small. Many tourists are here from throughout Spain for Semana Santa (Holy Week). It is unbelievable; the town has closed down…and will he closed today and tomorrow.

The great news is that my friend Helena is driving all the way from Madrid to meet me tomorrow and she wants to take me to visit some other towns before I leave. Well, not much time left. I will be in Barcelona on Saturday night to depart on Sunday (I do not want to miss the flight).

For the last two nights, the people of Zaragoza just like the rest of Spain have been commemorating Holy week with a procession from one church to another. Men and woman dress up in cloaks with their heads covered, then men dressed as Roman soldiers escort a life size float resembling the various Stations of the Cross. Hundreds of people march to the beat of the drum and music. Women dressed in black march as they were attending the crucifixion in mourning. It is beautiful.

I remember as a child, that on Good Friday, we not only abstained from eating meat, but we also fasted. We were not allowed to watch television or play music from noon to three on Friday to observe the exact time of Christ’s Crucifixion. And we would definitely not go out and party…..oh no….We were taught that we had to sacrifice something for this great leader who died on the cross.

Millions of people are making sacrifices today. Many are dying from thirst in Somalia, people are dying in Africa, uncertainly in the Middle East, a war in Iraq that seems never ending, and talk here of the United States responding to a nuclear threat in Iran. Not to mention the immigration issues…

Some British folks have told me that they are tired at looking at non-white people in England taking jobs away, the Irish are complaining of those fleeing there from the Eastern Europe and the Spanish and Portuguese complain of the thousands that arrive daily from Africa and Latin America that are taking jobs away from the locals.

In the United States millions of people have responded by taking to the streets in demonstration against the anti-immigrant sentiment. Immigration is an international issue and not one person is addressing it…NOT ONE.I wonder if that is ignorance or arrogance. People flee to other countries because they have to feed their families and there is no work in their homeland. But, that is another conversation.

The point I am trying to make here is that many people are making the sacrifice. YOU are making the sacrifice that often-religious institutions ask you to make. You donate you time and your love to others. You help educate the community about HIV/AIDS, crystal meth, substance abuse and so much more. Many of the family members who have lost loved ones have gone on to do outreach to the community so other parents would not have to loose any more children to AIDS. We have had to fight ignorance and bigotry and we have done it in a very loving way.

The members of the staff of The Wall-Las Memorias Project, board members, CAB members, volunteers, mothers of the Wall, corporate sponsors, elected and community leaders and church members, you constantly sacrifice to make our community a better place in which to live.

On Good Friday…he could be a religious leader, civil rights leader, your savior or as I put it a community activist…you could commemorate his passing as a way to recall how you have followed in his footsteps. Be proud and thankful for what you have done for your community…in essence for humanity. You have sacrificed and sometimes it might have felt like you too have carried a cross…It is ok to feel like that…because after all, we are taught to walk in his footsteps….

I will try to catch up on the blog sometime over the weekend…...Spend some time in recalling what we have done for a community and how much more we still have to do…

Have a great Easter to each of you…

With much love…

Richard

Leaving Portugal, Monday, April 10, 2006

Portugal

Well, it is Sunday night and I am getting ready to start my trip back…. Do you remember that I said I was going to Rome…and then I was going to Vigo….well, I am not…..I decided to stay longer than I had planned in Porto….so I will head back to Lisbon…then to Madrid…and hopefully change trains to continue to Zaragosa in Northeast Spain….I will then be able to visit Father Juan in Peralta…on Saturday.

Last night after the concert, as I was walking through town I heard a group playing Cuban music in a local club…so I dropped in for a set or two...

I then waked to a club and listen to some music. It was a very nice and attractive but mixed crowd. I met many interesting people. I guess I looked like a tourist. Most of the people I spoke with would tell me…”gee you Americans are big people”. Imagine, if they would see some of the other folks from home….(valley of the green giants)

I went to Mass and heard the choir that I have been telling you about. They were magnificent. After, I met up with my new friend, Pedro we went to lunch and talked for some time. He mentioned to me that yesterday he was invited to sing at the Colosiu Concert Hall in May. He will be giving two performances with a capacity of 3,000 people. I am really happy for him He deserves the best.

I am having dinner at this small restaurant across from the street I am staying at and thought I would enter in my log…

I hate leaving Porto…. I really do…I fell in love with it. The people are more than welcoming. They make you feel like family. I cannot believe I have been here for eight days. 99% of all of the Portuguese people that I met here in Porto are native born.
They are proud of their city…. and they should.

I will take the train to Lisbon tomorrow afternoon. I will then take the overnight train to Madrid…. that is…if I can get a ticket at the last minute. I will then take the train on Tuesday morning to Zaragoza.

Portugal…. is a fantastic place…the tourist publications say that Portugal is the gateway to Europe (Mediterranean). But, I must tell you that the people are the gateway to hospitality and that is what they should promote.

In my time in Portugal, I have been greeted with warmth and respect. They are humble and proud people. They never gave me any trouble for not speaking the local language and were very patient when I would speak to them in Spanish.

Portugal is a poor country. The people are not too political and they do not care to know about your politics. They are proud of their history and rich in their culture. For example…no choir that I have heard can compete with the magnificent choir of “Se Cathedral” that I had spoken to you about. I wish that the Portugal tourist department would sponsor tour for this choir to share their talent with so many of us in the states.

It is a conservative country. Abortion is not legal and the gay politics seems nil. I never saw any establishments with the word gay or lesbian. I tried to get information from their AIDS organization here in Porto, but could not get through.

Please…do not get me wrong, there is a gay and lesbian community, but not overt in any way. I mean it is not obvious here and the people are not threatened by anything…they just do not acknowledge it..…. They are family orient